This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You were trust falling into bushes
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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