Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize