they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
