making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize