Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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