Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
