Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
