I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
