dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
