this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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