I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You're like the curious george of whores
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
