I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
