ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
