you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
