I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
