I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
