HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
