I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
