Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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