When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
