I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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