Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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