is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I look better un-naked...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
