I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
