so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
