why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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