Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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