hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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