I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
