Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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