Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
