worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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