You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
