Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he thought i was a dude.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
