Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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