it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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