You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just forgot I was standing up.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize