I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
