We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
