I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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