I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
