This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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