why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
