dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
