Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
