I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
