I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
