wat bout pragnant strippers??
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
