when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
