what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
