I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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