It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
