did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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