I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
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