Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
