I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
