my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize