Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
