My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Where is the hickey?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
