and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
