i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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