This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
