she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
