It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
