so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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