Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
