I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
