i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize