my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i think my mom watched the whole time
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
