Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
