I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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